Tuesday, 13 March 2012

Confidence Crisis

I've been going through a tough time recently and it's affecting my writing. A month ago, I was writing lots and producing what appeared to be half-decent short stories. Now, I'm struggling. I do simple writing exercises and I hate what I write so much that I can't continue. My mind seems to solidify.

Having to write a dissertation proposal doesn't help. I want to write a set of Gothic short stories with a linking theme of identity. I'm excited about having the opportunity to spend summer doing this, but I don't feel 100% confident. One day it seems like a good idea; the next, I think I'm an idiot to contemplate it and I should think of something else. Then I have to accept the idea's not the problem: I am.

I'm going to feel the same no matter what I pick, so I'm going ahead with my idea. Now I'm trying to put it into words, but they all come in a jumble and I worry that I can't explain myself very well. The only thing keeping me going is I need to email it by the end of this week. No matter how stupid I/my idea sound, I've got to keep going.

I just hope some confidence comes later.

5 comments:

  1. I sympathise with you, Hayley. I know how it feels when your confidence falters. I've come to the conclusion that it's part of a writer's lot to have these doubts. And I do believe that such determination to make your work as perfect as possible, reveals your true worth as a writer. You really care about it, which means your writing comes from the heart.
    But writing from the heart is exhausting and you may benefit from a break, and being really kind to yourself before you launch back in.
    You are definitely not alone with how you feel. It's not a very evenly balanced lifestyle being a writer. The good days are amazing and the bad ones can feel very low. I'm sure that good days are waiting for you just around the corner. Best of luck.

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  2. Thank you, Joanna. That definitely makes me feel better. I suppose that's another aspect of the writer's lot: it feels like you're the only one. Thank goodness for the internet!

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  3. I had this problem when I worked on my master's thesis. I keep changing my mind. But in my case, it was my MSc in exercise biological sciences. I had to conduct a experiment which can be very pricey.

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  4. wow! quite a daunting task! i hate tackling a forced assignment, all that pressure can squeeze the creativity right out of a person! when i have to write something, i start with brainstorming. i jot words or phrases down, and these usually trigger more. soon coherent ideas form and i have enough to get started with an outline or rough draft.

    i love your topic and i assume you do too, so you should be fine once you get going! good luck & dont give up =)

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  5. Thank you :-) I've submitted my proposal and am convinced that my tutors are aghast at how terrible it is, but at least it's done!

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