I have been making plans. I don't mean to seem coy — I'm just terrified that they are stupid ideas. At the moment, the worst case scenario is that I'm wasting my time working on these projects. If I start to actually talk about them, I expose myself to ridicule and humiliation.
Yet I have learnt (again and again) that taking a leap in the face of fear is worth it. My modest writing successes happened because I submitted my work, rather than worrying that everyone would hate it and shutting the work away in a folder. I've had many pleasant surprises too — when my story Someone's Having a Laugh was published on shortstorysunday.com last month, many people who I barely know read it after my mum shared the link on Facebook and were very complimentary. In fact, I'm pleasantly surprised every time someone doesn't tell me I'm a terrible writer — even if it's a rejection!
The projects I'm currently working on could help me to earn a living instead of relying on benefits. They would fit in around my bad days (and weeks...) and wouldn't involve the situations that aggravate my anxiety the most (meeting new people, dealing with lots of people at once, etc). But if it all goes wrong, I expose myself to embarrassment and more anxiety.
So do I go for it or not? I think I know the answer....
And to avoid accusations of coyness, one of the projects is based on some of my blog posts: I'm considering writing a full Scatterbrain's Guide to Getting (and Staying) Organised, which I would publish on Kindle. If anyone has any advice — or just reassurance that people might be interested — please don't hesitate to get in touch via the comments here or email email@example.com Thank you :-)